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n: a sudden, intuitive grasp of reality
East Islip High School Literary Magazine
            1997-1998 Publication
ADVISORS: Teresa Avila & Lisa Lopez
created by L. Lopez
Last updated 8/31/01

Authors and Their Works:
Click on a poem title to view
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Gary Inner Guidance
Fields of Liberty
The Abandonment Creed
Matt Emotional Suicide
Melissa Quixotic Plastic
The Cheat
Passion in a Lie
Kristen The American Flag
Justina A New World
Jessica Never Ending
Craig "I am a grain of sand"
Jonathan Chelsea Goes to War
Krystle Our Paths Were Once One
Mike Love
Dylan Sweet Sounds
AnnMarie Untitled
Colleen Death of a Great Man
Maggie And So It's Me
Colliding With Destiny?
Phantom Heart
Weeping Iris
"I saw them all"
Elizabeth The Good Guys
The Lost Boy
My Matt Poem
The Horn of Envy
Joanne Alone
The Dirty Goddess
Angels of the Fall
Corin The World I See
Without You
"Nothing compares"
Unforbidden Love
Tian Like A Drop of Silver Rain
Glide Into Time
The Dead and The Alive: A Memorial to the Victims of the Holocaust


I am gorged with starvation
I am the poem that doesn't rhyme
I am the dancer with leaden shoes
I am the clock that tells no time

I am snow falling from the sun
I am a shadow on the wall
I am a phantom in the flesh
I am the tear that doesn't fall

I am a mirror that cannot reflect your eyes

I am clouds across the moon
I am waterfalls of dust
I am a smiling wound

I am roses blooming in December
I am the priest without a God
I am a portrait all in black
I am the wine that turns to blood

I am the unclean Madonna
I am a lamb with wolf's eyes
I am a heart pulsing bile
I am immortal when I die

I am sorry that I looked at you
Now your soul has turned to ash
Until it shattered beneath my gaze

I didn't know your heart was glass
~ Joanne


Like a Drop of Silver Rain

Come to me, my Black Angel of Mist.
Like a touch of sleepy moonbeam
Pours upon the petals of an evening primrose.
Like a bouquet of pure snowflakes
Blesses the Scotland Plateau with her gentle soul.
Like a drop of silver rain
Kisses the plane of Heaven's eternal window.

Come to me like the Twilight
Descended from Darkness
Come to me like the Aurora Borealis
Descended from the Valkyries' spears.
Come to me like the silent thunder,
And the tears of a marble figure.
Come, my Black Angel of Mist
Come to me in your own way,
For you are like no one and nothing else.
~ Tian


I am a tree in the wind
Blowing in the breeze
Feeling free but locked in place
Only growing is the movement
Not wanting to move for fear of change
To make more room I am knocked down
Where I once stood will not be a town but a crowded city
I am now part of a house
Holding the frame for a family
My life seems complete and
I am now free from the place I was
          ~ Corin

Sweet Sounds

Music's a gift that was given from God
        It's pleasant to all five senses
Although sometimes songs may sound odd
        It is sometimes an interesting experience

Sweet sounds of guitar are pleasant to the ear
        as are those of a trumpet or flute
The sounds of these instruments draw you in near
        and are great if you are stressed

To make music truly is a special thing
        which many experience daily
To hear the sounds in your ear ring
        Makes you feel wonderful.
                     ~ Dylan


She walks alone, through the park
        It's cold and lonely
        Getting dark

The sky falls down
It's black and bare
She's been missing
        No one cares

She walks along the crooked path
        Death approaches
        It's coming fast

        Step by step,
        She hears a sound.
        She sees nothing
       'til she turns around

        There she lies
        cold and still
        No one knows
        and never will
         ~ AnnMarie


I am a grain of sand, surrounded by rock
I sit there quietly, minding my own.
There rocks just sit there, towering over me.
They pay no attention to me, they just sit there in a stupor.
When a breeze picks up, I am carried away.
Carried away, leaving the rocks behind.
The wind then stops, I drop to the earth
I land on a sandy beach, surrounded by friends.
I am home.
~ Craig

Nothing compares to a broken heart
The gentle sound of my mother's voice
Does not smooth over the pieces of the past
Growing fond of your nearness makes it hard for me to leave you behind.
Walking away knowing I can't run back to you
Denial of the truth is making my life a fantasy
Speaking words from his mouth are the darkness of rejection
Knowing his life will go on but my life is stuck in the past
Waiting for your acceptance
~ Corin
Weeping Iris

Weeping iris
Shattered confidence
Breaking heart and
Jagged scars
Essence...charred and blackened
Rotting carcass
Bleeding heart
Open wounds
Leadened essence

Sudden serenity
Apparent salvation

Have you ever watched a scar heal?
Watched how the redness dulls?
        ...Keep watching
~ Maggie

The World I See

I open my eyes but I cannot see
I try to speak I cannot
I feel for walls or help there is nothing

The world is dark
The world turns quickly
I can see
And I can hear someone calling
I feel walls and right there
I can see myself changed
In the mirror

The world is open to me
A world I never knew.
I am back
I can fight back to the
people who hurt me.
I will give them a taste of
their own medicine I will give them
All the hurt and anger I
left behind
~ Corin


A New World

Pieces of my world shattering
These pieces fall into the darkness
Soon the world I once knew will no longer be
These pieces lay in the darkness
Clouds form, rain falls, then a ray of light shines,
Shines through the clouds, the darkness and the rain
The light lifts the torn pieces of my old world to form a new
The pieces come together like a puzzle that was always meant to be.
They form a new world
A new world where everything we had always been looking for
The presence of this world fills us to our content
Seek and you shall find that this new world's happiness and love have been waiting for all your life.

The Dirty Goddess

Look at you
Looking at yourself
Can you see yourself
        Now that the mirror has cracked
Look at him
Devouring you with his eyes
But he doesn't see you
        His eyes are the mirror
Behold the woman
Less of a woman for all her packaging
Behold the man
Less of a man for worshipping wrapping paper
        But he doesn't open the gift
Look at you
With your womanhood bared for inspection

I see you frightened like a child
Torn from her mother's arms
        I hear you crying when they tear into you
Yes, you are beautiful
A beautiful mannequin
Shining face
Hiding the hollow interior
How conveniently
        You can be taken apart
Alive and yet not alive
You lose the essence of life
When you are killing yourself
Your soul is in your shadow
Confined to darkness
        I hear it begging for mercy
I am looking at you
But you don't want to be seen
You are running from your shadow
I asked you what you really wanted
You smiled without saying a word
You are the dirty goddess of the new religion
        Bowing before your own shrine.
~ Joanne


My Matt Poem

We lay
There enveloped in each other
Separate as ever, but never apart
To be apart is bearable torture
but to be together was often the same

These thoughts as we lay there
        enveloped in each other
I think, if we separate, will I notice?
Will I feel fear?
Will he care?
Will I ever feel him near?
Or will he ever be mine again?
Never to touch
Never to love
Never to know
to know if he cares
to know who he loves
but there is one thing I know
his love is not for me.
I lost it
or maybe gave it up
I could have flung it away
While wishing it wouldn't leave me
but he did
he accepted it
without a care
now I see him there
head leaned back
throbbing with the music in his veins
seems without a care
Who does he love?
Who does he wish for?
Who does he remember caressing
        on a warm summer's night?
He doesn't love me
But that was my choice
So let's move on
~ Elizabeth

Chelsea Goes to War

How easy is it to give the order
to sign the pact and push the button
to fake compliance, and dodge the draft.
Your own hypocrisy drowns the fact.

Your fearlessness is the flight of the eagle
Compassion is empty meal starving stomach
Freely are given away our brave
who serve as your non-allowing arguing slaves.

But this tale is not of our innocent friends
who kill, hate and are killed, hate and are hated.
It intends to tickle and fancy the thought
the humor behind a policy sought.

For there goes your own flesh and blood.
She's got a gun. She's sweatin' and bleedin'.
And rackin' up the points in the hot sun.
No pity for her enemy shot dead when they run.

And just as you hear of her successful quest
of supporting your ongoing world police tendencies,
a bullet passes through her skin
as you can only watch. Your grieving begins.

Boy your influence on her was great
although you may deny its sorrow filled tone
to shun compassion seemed of the right to do
Just think, she's just like you.
~ Jonathon


Colliding With Destiny?

Maybe you should never have taught me how to fly
it would have hurt less
If you had never plucked me from the ground
There would have been a shorter plunge
        Back to reality
When you let go-
        in mid soar
        You still expect me to glide
But every time-I collide with my destiny
Desperation, and
Perhaps you shouldn't have shown me the world
        Beyond my shadows
        My personal rain cloud
Perhaps you shouldn't have taken me from the ground
Perhaps you just shouldn't have let me fall
~ Maggie



Without You

The heat of anger running through my veins
My thoughts flying apart
My heart falling to dust
The coldness of your touch
is not from the winter cold
it is from my heart being ripped from my chest
Held in your hand my heart still beats
Without you I live
but not completely
You will not live as a person
but as a soul you live in our happiness
The joy you watch in our eyes
Will be from thinking of your memory
Your eyes, hair, smile
So they wouldn't fade away
like empty years
without you
~ Corin

Quixotic Plastic

        Perfection comes so easily
Never acknowledging the face that peers
Into you
The smile that pricks you, optimistically,
as the insignificant that feeds on the
tough jagged complexion of an immense
        No meaningful blink to reply
Oh, that mind is filled with potential
But your eyes hold the left over
Of a hollowed Bone, Burned +Charred

        Nothing left but the perfect shell
the protection + comfort that holds
your head high

feed and Breathe in Reality
        The cold paint of your soul
is just plastic
~ Melissa


My eyes burn with images I can't see
My cheeks are wet
These tears don't wash away the pain

Acid droplets burn a trail of sorrow
Close my eyes; I still can't see

Haunted by those unseen things

Confusion slides down my cheek

Drowning in insanity; my equivalent-reality
                    ~ Maggie



I saw them all
        being as happy as I once was
Maybe it was the time-
        The time I thought I had you
        The time I thought you'd have me
I said the smile would never fade
I said I would forever brighten with the dawn
        Not today
No more will you enchant my sad eyes
The light behind them dwindling steadily
As I watch them all...
As happy as I once was
~ Maggie


When walls are a plush prison
Tomb, soft as silk, rich as emeralds
It's a wasting away under velvet gowns
Pleasure becomes pain
        Opulence, famine
And slowly, I turn to dust
But who am I, to say what I am
A figment of my own imagination
So I would-
        Let it descend into the maelstrom
If not for that the umbilical cord
Was attached directly to my heart
And whatever you might see of it
Were only mirror images of myself
Who I am, and what I am not
And what you saw-
        Eclipsed the reality
The shadow of innocence
Lurking behind this façade of beauty
Forlorn was like second nature to me

To want, the first
But I am sweet as honey syrup
        And rotten to my core
I'm so disgusted
        And yet-
            Pain is marvelous clay
                In these stumbling
                    Sculptor's hands
I could scratch a tragic maiden image
With her guts cut out to show you
The outsides to her dimensions
And yet, it's not enough
I'm more than my vulva
And less than my years
        Should I say
I'm still the tragic whore
Bares to you the pallid skin
While denying the inner pulse
It's no wonder then
        I'm an illusion
And if you can't see
I can always blame myself
For I am blind, deaf, and dumb
Here is this temple of shadows
Dancing with the wrath of who I might be
But cannot
For never having been allowed
To step outside
  ~ Joanne


The Abandonment Creed

We know the pain that still lingers, takes hold of us and clenches our fingers,
we feel guilt for our acts and still want them here, we want them back.

We forget, we push it back to move on with our present lives, but it still engulfs our vision, our control, our minds.

I am not so sure if we could ever expect this grief to last so long, will it ever go away.
The time we lost is forever gone.

One morning or night we will face the evil plight, it will be our judgement day,
our forgotten fright. Once this occurs do we freeze, crumble, or cry and keep it locked tightly up inside.
The time will come for this test and we know there is no way we can shy away,
there is no way we can turn our backs,
there is no place we can ever hide.

So leave it up to the heavens they say, they know the whole picture, it includes
all of us and all of them, they painted our future together some time ago,
now they are up to the last dot of color, our dreaded past our unfinished end.

Will we meet our lost soul or watch them in death, their already pre-paid toll;
to the heavens they might go or we will watch them burn in the eternal fire.
They are screaming for our help, their last hunger call,
the lonely hunger crier, and that was the end of the past,
that was the end of the eternal liar.
~ Gary



Feeling my anger build up
like an overdried balloon
getting larger and larger
heavier and heavier
until it bursts.
My rage is wild like a flock of
birds on a hunt for food
Screaming until I feel I can live again
knowing the truth.
This time the truth cannot hurt
It heals
As my sanity returns
My life gets back to normal
I know I can't let a split nail
bother me.
Everything can heal in time
A broken heart, a cut, a bruise
or rage against life.
Revenge isn't an option anymore.
~ Corin


Our Paths Were Once One

I awake today and open my eyes
realizing I am alone, as my friends were not as they once were
as if they had become different people
They've grown apart from me
like the beaches eroding from the changing tides
When we were young life was simple
we all were friends and belonged to the same crowd
but as we've grown, transforming
from native caterpillars into intricate butterflies
life has led us on different paths, not knowing where they will cease
like an ivy vine growing aimlessly into the unknown
The sweet misery of separation without warning, tears at us
yet we do not look back as we travel down our shadowy paths
and we soon forget our paths were once one
~ Krystle


The Cheat

With haste it came
The honey sifted lips coat mine
Irrevocably I cheated your love
As it plummets to the floor
Abashed by my strive for passion
On the dirt floor it fades away
My apologies are the repercussions with not one reason to be released
Your eyes felt the pain and a look of stupor painted your face
            pallor white
A despondent state swept over my guilt,
While you're grotesque heart spilled the wet red of my soul
My eyes, mesmerized, understanding my pathetic self control
Claustrophobic to what I indulged in
Only regrets lie alone
~ Melissa


Glide into Time

Pass through the limit of earth
Travel beyond the mind and the air
Relive your lost illusions
Then glide into the domain of Time

Time is but an eternal dream
        An eternal dream, a dream of the riddle of the Sphinx
        An eternal dream, a dream of the Lost Paradise
        An eternal dream, a dream of the fire of ever Phoenix

Time is but an lost enigma
The river flows, brings
        The dead to dust
        The new to life
Everything we do
Everyone we love
        Someday will be laid to rest

They say that in the Cosmos the possibilities are endless
Then why am I
A curse holds until the end of Time
An end which will never come
 ~ Tian

The Lost Boy

You boggle my mind
You change my thoughts without a word
You manipulate me without a thought
You've changed me and disappeared
You've left me cold and confused
Never mind that; you've lost me
All I've lost is a good friend
~ Elizabeth

Phantom Heart

Mythological lover
Phantom Heart
Spelling out my secrets
        to the forever unknown
Reality left behind
As I step through this fantasy

Our scars ablaze
Baring our souls
        and our teeth
Glaring into the eyes of misery
        And finding each other
            to wash away the hurt
My Phantom Heart
Let me wash away the pain
Let me hold your limp heart
As you hold mine
I'll be your Phantom Heart
If only you'll be mine
~ Maggie


Emotional Suicide

Nothing happened as was planned
You sit and try to understand
Lately things are going bad
You are always crying, feeling sad
You try to fix the things gone wrong
But added what did not belong
You never found the things you sought
You never learned the lessons taught
So now you're sitting, feeling pained
You should have learned, you should have gained
There is a choice, a thing to do
But you may not be willing to
Your dreams are lost, your feelings die
You'll never laugh, you'll never cry
Emotions killed, your soul will fall
You'll be alone, no friends at all
Apparently, this has a cost
Your soul and feelings, they are all lost
So go ahead, do what you'll do
It's too late when you follow through
It's not an escape; it's just more pain
The sadness will drive you insane
Be stuck with laws you can't abide
That's Emotional Suicide
~ Matt


The Dead and the Alive
The Vanished and the Remained
                --A memorial of the victims of the Holocaust

The Dead-
Exposed corpses under the bleak sky
In the darkness of the night
The battles of life were
So bravely fought
In the hearts that had stopped beating long ago.

The Alive-

Hymn to life
Hymn to the will that gives strength
To the mind
Silently they stood in the twilight
The forever witness
Of unspeakably horrible a crime.

The Vanished-

A dream that died
A plea that denied
Within the stiff walls of the Abyss.
A tomb you never had
A life you never fulfilled
Rest in peace you never will.

The Remained-

Grief is the fierce crying from the wound
Wound is the bitterness from the past
Past is the pyramid of never fading memories
Memory is the anthem of soul
Soul is the heart that is still full of hope
Hope is a gift from God.
 ~ Tian



Love is something beautiful
Love is something unmistakable
but it is attainable
It's something that can't be rushed
or be bought
it can even take months
or even years to find
It's something special
That develops between two people
Love's not easy to find
But when you do
You'll feel it in your heart
Because you'll know it's right
And when you find it
Hold on to it tight
Because real love is
Something you might only
Find once in your life
Because without love
There is no life
For everybody needs it
Love is the driving force
Behind all life
Because without it
Things just wouldn't be right
Love is something to treasure
So when you find it take the time to
To treat your love right
What ever you do don't mess it up
Because if you do
You'll regret it
For the rest of your life
~ Mike


Angels of the Fall

Our eyes are still cast upward
Even as we fall down on our knees
Please, what prayer could make you realize
Original sin was not necessity?
To be the one a poisoned apple chokes
An end that's just as well
Hear the demon speak so sweetly as
He sent us straight to Hell
Proud head held up and tears stream down
We're not the fruit of our legacy
The serpent glitter to the halos of them
Who rage at heresy
I feel this birthright strike a chord of shame
Can this be what I am?
The Lost soul doomed to kinship with both
A devil and a Lamb?
We don't know why we've blessed this rosary
Do we dare still cry out to Heaven?
Sinners and saints and all in between
Are hung in the balance again
And I don't remember when I asked to be crucified
But I'm carrying the cross of my race
My blood and my sweat and these five open wounds
Are still waiting for amazing grace
I know I am not a sinner
For bearing my parent's requiem
But, you see, they've left me at the altar

Lost, confused, and unforgiven

They made us and we made them in our image
But we are only mortals after all
We are seraphim with broken wings

Angels of the fall

The Death of a Great Man

Oh why did you have to die?
You were such a great man.
You did so many things for people
Your music is so inspiring.
Brings joy to my hear
I listen over and over
Your life was so fulfilling I don't know where to start.
You were loved by the world.
You spoke your mind through music and words.
Even after your death we all remember you.
Your music lives on.
~ Colleen


Inner Guidance

What has the world come to.
Eye for an eye,
heart for a heart
a soul can get lost in it all.

Will we soon begin,
to sin and sin, as we forget
and forget the purpose now,
the purpose then,
when will this madness ever end.

Soon this answer will come from above,
maybe next-door, or from a love we truly adore,
this answer is what we all must explore

The answer might be right here, not too close
not to far, not here, not there, it is in all of us, all we have to do
is show we care.

Now you seem to question the reality,
the truth, the brutality.

It is easy, just open your eyes and the venerable lies,
just say good-bye, say hi, just be, set it free, just let the
whole world see the "you" and know that you exist
for a purpose, not just an end corpus.

Now look at yourself, not them, not even "me," when
it comes to the very end you are only "you," not everyone you
"wished" to be.
~ Gary

The Good Guys

We've had good guys and we've had
            great ones, we've even had some brilliant ones
But that was in the past, in some old western
Who are they today?
Are they the Presidents who solicit sex from young girls?
His wife who's only in it for the TV appearances?
The dead Princess who even in her benevolence,
            managed to get an enemy?
The teachers who don't care if you learn?
Your sweet neighbors, who tape you undressing every day?
Your parents (enough said)?
The beauty queen in playboy?
The poor man on the corner who's planning his next drive-by?
The smartest girl in Chemistry who has a bright future in making synthetic drugs?
Are these what we will base our lives on?

Will these be our children's idols in the future?
Would we rather their idols be all these people or Prince Charming
            and the beauty he'll save in the fairy tales?
Do we want them to be realistic,
            or set themselves up for disappointment?
Either way they lose.
                                    ~ Elizabeth


Love is feeling
Love is words
Love is hope
Love is dreams
It is something that is unexplainable.
It's like a flower that grows and grows.
Once it's watered it will grow
If it's not kept loved and cared for it will die
We need love to live
If there was no love the world would be an empty place.
Love is fulfilling
Love is a flower
~ Colleen

Unforbidden Love

The one unforbidden rule between friends
Nothing can change
My heart says go my mind says stop
Stopping to look at my life
Confusion sets in
How could this be?
My feelings so strong
My friend till the end
Is that too long
To wait for the day
My dream will come true
that you will see me through
And the unforbidden love I feel for you
Confessing my love for you will only ruin
Our friendship
And what is to come
Is another song
~ Corin

The Horn of Envy

a feline goddess
a one horned beauty
that inner feeling
my words make her think
she makes me dream
of being myself
not succumbing to the pressure
to scratch, meow, and purr
and not to admire her pearly horn
because I want it too much
~ Elizabeth

Passion in a Lie

The sour sweet taste of hot breath melting with my own
And the fiery touch
Cooling to the sweaty skin of passionate minutes
Remembrance of all priorities forgotten
When soft touches lie to thoughts
The whispers of those lies tormenting the lively imagination
Dry rain pours into my insanity
Empty in the pit of my stomach
Dull thoughts build up to a rancorous rage
Soft touches scrapping to the skin
As his fingernails deepening into my heart
The fire went out, the cold began
The warm moistness of skin against skin
Leaving me with no fire, no life
~ Melissa


Fields Of Liberty

To walk through those grainy reeds of gold,
With a love in your hand, the future you hold.
That is the perfect liberty of the mind,
The ultimate freedom of the soul.

The sun is glaring down creating a fog,
And beyond those eyes that can't totally see the future,
there is a darkness that hides, unspoken lies, the ones that are forever cold.
Those will never hold them down.
Love will always prevail,
Love is their only hope.

Together they are life, together one,
walking along that golden path to the beginnings end,
friends the were, and
friends they will forever be.

Soul mates they have begun, as reality is still in their hands.
They look once again into each others eyes
and their hands are clasped as one.
The fields of liberty has grabbed their hearts and the angel's have finally won.
~ Gary


The Chick

Baggy pants sweeping the dust stained nostrils that were powdered so well with starlight-moon shine sky, and imagination that everything isn't real
Suck it in
Does it sting to take as just as a fake body into your own mass hysteria of writhed happiness?
Do you like giving yourself into what you want, what you longed for, and pushed everyone down to get?
Please smile pretty with your stained revengeful teeth
Reality is just that dream you just dreamt.
~ Melissa


Never Ending

Staring now at my friends
Knowing now it will never end.
We all have had our problems,
not talking for days, thinking it was gone.
The memories we shared over the years, shall
never leave us, and this bond is what keeps us close.
Knowing there is always someone there, and
there always will be.
This is a bond stronger than any other: friendship.
They are part of me, who I am,
and I am part of them; Nothing will ever change that.
~ Jessica


And So It's Me

And so it's me
Forced to face reality
Let your wisdom see for me
Reflect reality
Mostly I can't see,
I need to know
What I am looking for
More importantly, What I am looking at
These eyes are useless coupled with my heart
"Confusion circles my insanity and loses my reality"
And so it's me
Toss away these useless eyes
Sink them into my-self
For all I see is no reality
Insanity screams: How shall I tear the blindfold from these useless eyes?
Is this even me?
Could it be?
~ Maggie

East Islip School District Board of Education
Leonard R. Najdek
Rosa Ferrara
Antoinette (Toni) Brauneisen
Frank Genco
John J. Ramacciato

Michael J. Capozzi, Superintendent of Schools
Paul S. Salvione, Asst. Superintendent
William J. Smith, Ed.D., Principal
Bruce Castka, Asst. Principal
Jerry D. Engel, Asst. Principal
Miriam Flynn, Asst. Principal
Stan Gural, Asst. Principal